I'm Sorry
by Ambrion
Summary: There was nothing she could do to change it now, but how had it all started? What was the reasoning for the bitter hate and the heart break? Nell's side of the story, this goes hand in hand with Nnoitra's Regret! I do not own Bleach! Sad Face!


A/N: Hey guys I have returned! This goes hand in hand with Nnoitra's Regret. It is Nel's side of the story! I wanted to see if this one would be any good for a one shot. If not it might become longer than that. I loved the Reviews on Nnoitra's Regret, and it inspired me to continue with this story. Now this is starting when Nel is watching Nnoitra die. In this story she still knows some of the things that is happening, and what has happened between them. That's why she says what she does at the very end, this does actually happen in the anime.

It had been decades…how many of them? It had been so long since I had been in that body I had forgotten what a grown woman's could feel like. Then my eyes met his…all I knew was betrayal and hurt. Why had this happened? There was nothing I could do to stop the results as much as I wanted to I could not run to him and save him because he was going to die and there was nothing I could do. What had started it all?

"You are to report to the human world and watch after him." Lord Aizen said when Ulquiorra crushed his eye and showed me the image of the boy. "His name is Kurosaki Ichigo. All I want you to do is gather entail on him. That is it that is all. Come back in two weeks with a full report, and Nelliel do not disappoint me."

I bowed to him "Yes my Lord." I quickly walked out of his throne room; I couldn't wait to tell Nnoitra that I had my first mission, well the first one alone anyhow. But when I did he seemed doubtful of me, and I quickly reminded him of my strength and power. I was after all number three it wasn't possible for a human boy to do anything to me, not even the soul reapers they would have stationed in the town. I would be fine; I promised him and gave him a quick kiss goodbye.

We had a strong relationship, I had never been with anyone else and nor had he. I had never wanted anyone else. Nnoitra would be my first and last love; I knew it as well as the beating in my heart. We would make it through anything. We would make it through this. I didn't have to worry about him cheating on me for two weeks because I knew he would never. I wouldn't have to worry about the fact that he might find some flaw in me and decide that a decade's worth of a relationship wasn't good enough to make up for it. That's what love was. Ultimate trust.

I did the two weeks that were assigned to me and returned home with the report asked for. I was glad that Lord Aizen seemed pleased but I was happier to be home with Nnoitra and to be in his arms. I walked into our room and found him pacing. When he heard the door open her ran to me and hugged me. I kissed him and he told me that he had missed me.

"I missed you too." I said and kissed him again.

"I wanna prove it."

I smiled at him and was happy to oblige in the ideas he had for that night. An all night love making was just the thing we needed. We laughed after words and talked but soon I was falling asleep in his arms.

The next day Nnoitra came in agitated at something Syazel had said.

"Do you really feel like I'm holding you back?" He asked me.

"Of course not, I'm proud to be with you." I said putting my hands on his shoulders to reassure him. He smiled sadly at me, and the message did not seem to seep in, but I let it go because he didn't want to talk about it anymore.

A few weeks had passed and I had started to get worried. Nnoitra wasn't home any more, he was out training. I understood that he might want to climb higher up the ranks, but I missed him. I had also reassured him that the whole thing with Syazle was ridiculous numerous times. I wanted him to be home. I wanted to talk to him, I wanted to kiss him, and hug him. I missed his laugh, and smile. I miss him in our home. How could I tell him I was pregnant, when he was never around? I decided to take a visit to him and tell him that I needed him home.

"Nnoitra?"

"Hmm?" He hummed as he continued to swing his sword at empty air.

"I need you to come home tonight. We really need to talk. You haven't been home in a couple of days."

"Yea okay..."

"Are you listening to me?"

"Yea, I'll be home tonight." He didn't even look at me when he responded. But he had said something I had mentioned and so I thought perhaps he might have heard me. I walked away smiling because then I knew he was watching me, or rather watching the lower part of me as I walked away.

I lit candles, I put the red sheets on the bed, and I drew a bath. I waited…and that's all I did was wait. He didn't come home that night. He didn't come home the next night. He didn't come home the next two weeks when I asked him. And the next time he snapped at me when I stopped his sword in the middle of practice. I had to stop this now. He needed to be there, but when he snapped at me I felt as if something had broken. He had never reacted like that to me before. We loved each other…didn't we? Was I not enough to come home to anymore? It was then that I decided if I was not good enough now I would never be good enough.

"I can't do this anymore." I said and ran away, I was crying the whole time. I went to our room, or now his room, and threw my things together. I put all my things in my room. His room was far away from mine, which is why we had moved in together in the first place. I was praying the whole time that he would come and stop me, and make me stay. That he would say he was sorry and then we could talk about being a family, but that never happened. I was gone a week before I saw him again. I was so hurt that he had not tried to stop me, and now he wanted me back?

I was with Syazel when he finally came by. He was making sure the baby was okay and that I was fine from the strain of stress I had been under since the break up. I would have preferred someone else because I was angry at him. He was the reason for this whole mess in the first place, but he was the closest thing we had to a doctor around. Syazel was not in high spirits because I had heard that he and Grimmjow had broken up. I felt sorry for him, even if he had caused problems for me too.

"I'm sorry." Was all that I could say. I knew what he was feeling. Nnoitra and I had only been together a few years before them. When I heard a knock on the door I wrapped a towel around me (Arrancar are examined differently than humans are) and cracked my door open.

"I'm sorry. I want ya back…please Nel come back home" he begged…he begged?

I almost did. I wanted too, my heart told me too.

"I'm sorry but I'm with Grimmjow now, I can't" I saw the hurt in his eyes and then they lit with anger and rage. I don't know why I said it. But I guessed he was storming off to Grimmjow's room now and what would Grimmjow have to say about what I had just said? He would go crazy I was sure of it. But I needed to worry about the baby right now, I was hoping that Syazel had not heard me and it appeared that he had not. He made sure things were okay again but before he left I asked him the question I had wanted ever since he got here.

"What happened?" I asked

"He got bored…I suppose all cats do at one point or another. Now keep that baby healthy I want to run test on him when he is born."

"I'm having a boy?"

"Yes, and like I said keep him healthy." I rolled my eyes at his comment and then he left. I wouldn't be showing for a few more weeks, which I was happy about because I still had to figure out what I was going to do between Nnoitra and I.

A few weeks later I saw Nnoitra walking toward me in the hall, Grimmjow was next to me and I quickly grabbed his hand before Nnoitra noticed that I had not been. When I did Grimmjow gave me a questioning looked but didn't argue when I mouthed I would explain later. There was a conflict, and honestly I didn't want it to go down that way I just wasn't ready to face him yet, and instead of walking away like I thought he would he pestered Grim. The two almost broke the building until I asked Nnoitra to stop. He then walked away and very angry. I prayed that Syazel wouldn't know about this before I got the chance to explain, I still needed help with my baby's health.

"So ya wanna tell me what that was about?" Grim asked smiling.

"He thinks we are together…"

Grim gave me a surprised look.

"Why?"

"Because I told him we were, and don't ask me why I don't know. I just don't want to confront him yet."

"Well, I don't care. You're sexy as hell so it doesn't matter to me if ya wanna hang on ta me for a while. If ya were ugly of I woulda said no."

Nnoitra had been trying to fight me for weeks, and I felt so sad. He had all this pent up anger in him because I was still too scared to tell him about the baby and about how I felt about him. What was a girl to do? I wanted to tell him but I couldn't so instead I told him that he was too weak for me to kill and that I wouldn't kill him. I didn't tell him it was because I didn't want to and I was still in love with him. A few weeks later he asked me for a rematch. I had to do it this time. I was going to do it. I was going to tell him I wanted to be a family and that I loved him. That I have always loved him and that Grim and I were not together. I wanted him and only him. I loved him. I would always love him.

Before I could things went dark.

Now I am here, and watching him die. I will never get the chance to tell him it was all a mistake. I will never get the chance to tell him we had a baby, and then it died because of this child form. I wanted to tell him that I loved him with all my heart, but instead I was looking into his eyes and the only thing I said before my memory of us was gone was…

"Nnoitra"


End file.
